Near To You
by amaltheaz
Summary: A story about love and faith. AU Liley.
1. Prologue

**Title: **Near To You  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Hannah Montana characters. All legal copyright and whatever mumbo-jumbo... All Disney's. Any original characters, however, belong to me.**  
Pairings**: Miley/Lilly (naturally, but there will be mention of Lilly/several different characters)  
**Ratings:** PG for the most part, some swearing. There will be sex, but not for awhile I think. I'm still trying to get comfortable with the idea of writing it, before I actually write it. Does that make sense?  
So in terms, for the most part, it'll be a T, but on the safe side, let's make it an M, yes?

**Author's Note: (I was going to make this a short AN but *sigh* I apparently can't shut my freakin' gob, lol)**

The title comes from the song 'Near To You' by A Fine Frenzy. Give it a listen before/during/after reading the story. You'll see it's relevance in this story, I promise. Plus, it's a beautiful song anyway.  
This story is based somewhat on my friends' beautiful love story together. I'm sure that you will love their story as much as I do. Whether you'll love my take on it is a completely different story, lol.  
So... disregard everything you know of the canon 'verse, apart from the people.

This used to be a Spashley story but it's been so long since I've seen the show, that I just lost steam. So I thought I'd use my newest favourite pairing to tell this story instead: Liley.  
Plus, it's the only thing that's keeping my mind off the _current _coupling in the show. You know who I'm talking about.

This is my first real try at writing something that isn't a poem. So I guess you can call this an experiment to see if I can actually do this.  
I sincerely apologize if you find my writing awful. English is not my first language, so please let me know about grammar/spelling mistakes. Heck, give me some advice because I want to learn as I go along. I appreciate constructive criticism. But I do promise to do my best with proof-reading each chapter before posting them.  
Oh and I went to school in the UK so most of the places mentioned in the story will be UK-based. As will most of the spelling, just FYI.

I do not tolerate flaming/insults against me or the characters in my story. If you don't like something, say why (bullet points and a presentation if you like), and we can work through that.  
While I won't take any action against people saying derogatory things because I do believe in people having the right to say whatever they want, saying derogatory things is just ugly, pointless and a waste of both of our time.

If you have a serious issue with two girls being together and in love, before you do 'X' it out of here, I have to say first that you should at least give the story a chance. This story isn't about being gay, lesbian, straight or bisexual. There might be some mentions of the aforementioned labels, yes, but it isn't the _main _plot. Or even a _sub_-plot. This is a story about love and faith. About a girl learning about love. About loving herself and loving another after losing really painfully before. And about how taking it all on faith plays a big role in love.

If you still have an issue with that and don't want to give it a shot, then it's okay. Click the 'X'. But if you do want to give it a shot, then cool. Welcome, :-).

And if you haven't been put off by this note, let's get to that story before I ramble _properly_.

I hope you'll enjoy reading.

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az

* * *

**Chapter Summary**: One question forces somebody to look back.

**Prologue**

**Sunday, 11th October 2008, 12.30 P.M.**

"Are you ready?"

A gentle voice penetrates the opaque fog in my mind, as I keep staring into those eyes, staring right back into mine.

Staring at that far-away look in those eyes. Those soft eyes lost in a daydream of what the future could hold for them.

_Am _I ready?

Am I ready to make this giant leap into the unknown?

Am I ready to take a huge risk that could potentially end in failure?

I look down, avoiding those wide, questioning eyes. Ashamed that I'm even _having _these thoughts. Ashamed that my mind betrayed me.

I have lost any sense of certainty my heart could give me.

I look back up into those eyes, and I see them, hurt and shining with tears. For a brief moment, I feel my heart constrict painfully, and I can't breathe.

I look away again, unable to return the stare.

Unable to take it.

This time I look into the eyes of the one that asked me that awful question. And I feel a flash of anger at them for making me lose my footing and I feel like I'm falling into this black hole and I can't get a grip on anything.

I _hate _this black hole.

I only hope my face can convey the message when I say, _"Thanks,"_.

"It's okay."

How can it be _okay_?

"Just, look back and remember why."

My eyes close as I release a heavy sigh, but I do as the voice tells me. I look back and open my eyes.

I look back into them, and my mind is struck by memories.

Memories of why I should feel ready.

Memories of how I got here.

Memories of when it all began.

Memories of who was on this journey with me.

Memories of _her_.

"Are you ready?"

-- **End of Prologue --**

**Author's Note #2:** I know, it's a very short start, but that's just a small taste of what's coming. And it's good. I hope, lol.

_Next on **Near To You**:_  
**Book I - The First Date**


	2. Blind Dates and Vodka Cranberries

**Chapter Summary**: The first meeting.

**Book I**

**Chapter I - Blind Dates and Vodka Cranberries**

**Sunday, 11th July 2004, 7.10 P.M.  
La Locanda Trattoria, London**

How did I let myself get into this?

Seriously. I'm _22_-effing-years old.

On a blind date.

In a really beautiful romantic restaurant.

Currently waiting for somebody who is _ten _minutes late.

So I'm _also _an effing sucker.

Or patient. Since my glass of vodka cranberry has arrived anyway. It's not that I'm even nervous, but still, first-date nerves aren't exactly something you can keep away for too long. And vodka helps. Thankfully.

Why the hell _am _I doing this? My fourth blind date in a month and a half. My... whatever-number blind date in a _year_. I guess Sarah figured that since I'm not ready for a relationship, I'll just, keep going on dates.

The precursors of relationships. The _very _thing I'm avoiding.

But then you think, no harm in dating, right? This way, I wouldn't have to worry myself about going to clubs or bars, wasting most of the night trying to find somebody to hang out with for the night. Anybody to just talk to, so that I could feel some sort of connection. Just for awhile. And there are no strings attached. Sounds perfect, right?

_Right_.

Let's look at the evidence, shall we?

First, there was Ashley. A beautiful lady, gorgeous and fun. But she had a kid. Not that I have anything against kids. I love kids, as long as they aren't my own. And in very, very, very small doses. But, her daughter Rae, is beautiful like her mother. And so adorable. But heck, that was just too much responsibility, too soon. I wasn't ready for something like that. Especially when I barely took care of myself. I couldn't do that to either of them.

Then there was Mikayla. She was breathtaking and so... Sophisticated. Sex-on-legs, that woman and I had nothing but complete and total utter lust for her. And that, was wherein the problem laid. A friends-with-benefits arrangement was something of my past, and that was just something I couldn't do anymore.

Sam. She was sweet. And innocent. Too innocent. I ended up feeling something more sisterly to her than anything romantic. And my freak really doesn't fly that way. Nowadays, she calls me up for women advice rather than to make a date.

The thing is, I'm not any good at this. While the women I saw were aware of my _issue_, it still made me feel kind of deceitful, y'know? As if the longer I continued to see them, some sort of unspoken promise is being made. And I was just not in the position to be making any kind of promises to anybody. Maybe I just couldn't get myself comfortable enough to make those promises.

I love dating, don't get me wrong. When two people with compatible chemistry meet, it's absolutely spectacular. But Sarah and Becca have sorely been lacking in the match-making department. And I'm just not particularly fond of blind dates. I mean really, who actually is that fond of blind dates? But I do it because, Sarah and Becca mean well and I... would just like somebody to talk to once in awhile.

I just, want to be committed to somebody already, y'know? I feel like I'm ready. I spent my time in college, having so many flings that I get tired just thinking about it. I'm not ashamed of my past, nor do I regret it. It's not like I can take them back anyway. I've just come to realise that I'm at a point in my life, when I want something more. I don't want the play the whole wham-bam-thank you ma'am schtick anymore. Though I doubt they'd see it that way but, all the women I've met have helped me to realise that I want to share my life with just one person.

I know that I'll find her when I see her. And I'll be prepared.

I just wish my friends would do the match-making thing the old-fashioned way. You know, invite me to dinner and then invite another of their friends to dinner. I'll meet them, get to know them, under the guise of "having dinner with friends", while Sarah and Becca slip some not-very-subtle hints about how this friend of theirs would seem very interesting to me. They would talk me up to this girl, and that'd be that. We'll arrange a time when we'd meet, just the two of us, and our love story would begin from there.

But nope. _My _friends prefer to talk me up to somebody they met a few days ago, _on the street_. Okay, they didn't really meet her on the street. They know her from yoga class, but they were _on the street_ when they were telling her about me and setting up the date! I don't know who is crazier, them for setting me up with a girl they barely know apart from her name and the fact that she is as limber as a cheerleader, or the girl for _actually _agreeing to a date set up by people she does the Plough with on a weekly basis.

I'm going with the girl, because she's a little late, and I'm a little annoyed.

I look around this restaurant and I see happy couples everywhere. It hits me once again, that I don't have somebody to love. Somebody who isn't family or friend.

Don't get me wrong though. I love being on my own. I don't mind my own company. I grew up with brothers and sisters, but I always felt that I was on my own. Once I realised that, I was okay. I knew how to be with myself. Over time, I grew to cherish it, that time alone.

But still, it would be nice to have somebody to love.

Which leads me to this. Blind date number whatever.

Who is _fifteen _minutes late.

_God, she didn't see me and walked out, did she?_

Great, blind date number whatever just made me doubt myself. Uncool.

I sigh, signalling the waitress, ordering another vodka cranberry.

_Maybe I should just ask for the bill..._

I hear somebody calling my name. I look up and my breath catches when I see her.

_Miley_.


	3. Je Ne Sais Quoi

**Chapter Summary:** She's got a little something about her.

**Book I**

**Chapter II - Je Ne Sais Quoi**

**Sunday, 11th July 2004, 7.17 P.M.  
La Locanda Trattoria, London**

Whoa.

She is _gorgeous_.

God spent six days on the earth, and one _whole _day on this woman.

She's wearing an outfit that complements her figure. Black slacks that are neither too loose, or too tight; a maroon v-neck tank-top that sets off her deliciously light-tanned skin, and shows off her graceful neck. She's carrying a black leather jacket on her arm, but I'm sure that she probably looks just as delicious in it too.

I can't really see the colour of her eyes. All I can tell is that they're twinkling, and I can't help but smile.

And her hair. Oh dear god, her _hair_. My fingers are _literally _itching to run through them. Which I can probably do all the live-long day. She's got the most, _delicious-_looking, chestnut-coloured curls running down to her waist.

Delicious. Yes, that is the right word for her.

... And yes that _is _drool pooling in my mouth, thank you very much.

So it's most definitely _lust _at first sight. If we're going to go by certain hormones currently rampaging in my body. The bells ringing in my head. The sweat forming in the palm of my hands.

My whole god-damn body is reacting to her and we haven't even said a word to each other.

I have met countless beautiful girls; and I have bedded most of them. But this one, this _woman_, puts them so far in the shade, they just could not compare. There's that certain _je ne sais quoi _that makes me feel in my bones, there is something more to this one.

She's got a little something about her.

She is talking to the hostess, most likely asking where my table is, looking around the restaurant, trying to spot me. With a smile and certainty in her eyes.

Confidence. I like that.

I have done nothing but stare. I have not stood up to let her know that I have noticed her arrival. I have not called out her name to let her know where I am. I'm just looking at her, and I just can't look away. And yet my mouth cannot work to say her name, anything, just to let her know.

That I'm right here.

Waiting.

Suddenly, her eyes are on me.

And I think, I _think_, my heart kind of stopped.

Her eyes. They're so, _blue_. Deep blue like the ocean I swam in one summer, in Greece. I remember standing there on that beach, looking around at the white sands and into the endless blue ocean. I thought it was the beautiful thing I ever saw and will ever see for the rest of my life.

And now... Now the ocean is _completely _paling in comparison.

She has stunned me to the point of distraction; making me forget that she's fifteen minutes late. Making me forget that I've spent those fifteen minutes feeling like a chump, worried that she took one look at me and left. Making me forget everything and anything that has ever happened to me. Like only this moment is the one that truly counts.

This moment when our eyes meet for the very first time.

The ocean in Greece definitely did not do _that_.

I'm so caught up in staring into her ocean-coloured eyes that I didn't even notice her walking towards me until she's right in front of me. Smiling this small shy smile, completely contradicting the confident stance she took before.

"Hi. I'm Miley."

Her voice. Deep, husky.

_Sultry_.

Just like her.

Reeling me in.

"You must be Lilly."

My body finally wakes up, and I'm standing, bringing my hand up to shake hers.

"Yes, I am."

I hold her seat for her as she thanks me and sits down.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. You weren't waiting too long, were you?"

"Yes, I was."

A brief glimpse of shame shows in her eyes, and she looks away, as if she's looking for the waitress. Just so she could look anywhere else but at me, until she finally looks down. Any shred of confidence that was there, is leaving her body completely. I take this moment to notice that our hands are still clasped together. I squeeze her hand lightly.

"But looks to me, you might just be worth the wait."

She looks up in surprise. She blushes a slight shade of red, that shy smile on her face again, and I'm melting inside.

"Well, I'm hungry. How about you?"

Her smile widens, brightening up her face, as she nods her head.

"I'm famished."

I let go of her hand, signaling the waitress to bring our menus over. Maybe it's a chilly evening that it suddenly feels cold without her hand in mine.

Maybe.

As she looks over the menu, quietly contemplating what she would like to eat, adorably biting her bottom lip, I turn to what is fast becoming my favourite hobby, Miley-staring (while pretending to read the menu, of course).

The candle light graces her features with a heavenly glow. A couple of thick strands of her chestnut-brown hair falls delicately over her face, and there's a little crease between her eyebrows as she concentrates. I groan internally, restraining myself from smoothing it over with my thumb.

Restraining myself from touching _her_.

I grip the menu a little harder, trying to focus on it so that I can give our waitress my order. The next thing I know, I feel a warmth over my hand. And it's her hand. I look up slowly smiling at her, and that confident look is back on her face.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

She doesn't look the least bit sorry, giving me a shadow of a smirk. I flip my hand over, palm to palm, intertwining our fingers together. This time, she squeezes my hand, and she doesn't let go.

I'm hooked.

And I want more.


	4. Crêpes and Silky Lilly

**AN**: I am in awe of the response to this story. Seriously you guys, I am just in awe of you. I'm glad you're liking the story and that you'll continue to do so. I'm sure you have noticed I have responded to your reviews (at least I hope I have managed to do so, if not, I'm really really sorry) and yes, that is something I do because I like it when authors respond to me, and it made me appreciate the stories I was reading. So I learned to respond in kind to those who read my work, so that it would hopefully make you appreciate this story you're reading.

Here is the new chapter as promised. It feels a little less fluid against the previous chapter, mainly because when I was about to save the changes I made, FF logged me out so when I logged back in, everything was lost. I did my best to remember the changes I made, and I think I got them all. Hopefully. But I hope you'll like it all the same.

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az

**Chapter Summary**: _"It's like being a kid in a candy store. And there was _a lot _of free candy."_

**Book I**

**Chapter III - Crêpes and Silky Lilly**

**Sunday, 11th July 2004, 9.45 P.M.  
Brighton Pier, Brighton**

"What do you want?"

"Mmm, surprise me."

"Two chocolate banana crêpes then."

Don't ask me how. I'm still asking myself how this girl managed to convince me to get on a train to go down to Brighton, just to get some _crêpes_.

* * *

**  
An hour ago (back in London)**

The waitress had just taken our plates, and we're waiting for the dessert menu.

_This date is going so well. God, I don't want to say goodbye yet. Come on brain, _think_, what can we do to make this date go longer?_

_Pretend to have a heart attack?_

_No. I can't act to save my life. Ironically speaking.  
_

_Start talking about my collection of stamps?_

_Hell no. I want to keep her around, not _drive _her away._

_Handcuff our wrists together?_

_No. Too soon for _that_.  
_

_Maybe..._

"We should go to Brighton."

"Huh, what?"

Yes, I'm so _smooth_. Why don't I just go ahead and drool on her hand while I'm at it.

"Aw come on. Are you telling me you _don't_ want to go?"

My brain finally process the question she asked me, "Well no. But it just came completely out of left field."

"Not really. I mean, we're waiting for our dessert menus, right?"

I'm slowly nodding, as if I'm getting where she's going with this.

I'm not.

But she continues anyway.

"It just hit me that we should just go down to Brighton."

"And yet you're still not making it any clearer."

Now she's mock-glaring at me.

Could she get any cuter?

"I mean we should go down to Brighton and have dessert there. You said before, that the crêpes there are better than the ones here."

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack baby."

"But why?"

There is a brief pause as she slightly hesitates in her answer, biting her bottom lip as a slow blush rises on her cheeks.

"I just, didn't want to say goodbye just yet."

There are _no _words to describe how this girl has blown me away. It's like she read my mind.

My mind that is currently saying, _"For god's sake, what are you waiting for? Just stop thinking and just _GO_. You goon."_

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay, we'll go."

She grins in response, and signals for the bill. Before I know it, we're out of there, hand in hand, in a taxi on the way to London Victoria.

* * *

**Present Time**

Despite my reservations, I have missed Brighton. I attended an all-girls school for my college years, here in Brighton. I told Miley this over dinner while we were getting to know each other. She must have noticed that I missed being here, even if I didn't actually mention it.

God, I want to kiss her.

For being so thoughtful. So spontaneous.

The fact that I can't stop staring at her pouty, pink lips might be a factor too.

I look around me and I smile widely. There's just something about Brighton that has always made me feel more free than I have ever felt for most of my life. Maybe it's the sea air that I'm breathing in. Maybe it's the ocean that I can see stretching so far into the unknown that it makes all of my troubles seem insignificant. Maybe it was because it was here that I discovered who I truly am.

But there are those reasons that I have avoided coming back.

"Hey Lilly!"

Like that one.

"Look who's here!"

And that one.

"Lilly! Where have you been?"

Remember back when I said I had a few flings back in college? Well, here are flings 1, 2 _and _3, though in no actual particular order of how or _when_ they were... flung.

Lord, help me.

I look over at Miley, hoping that she'll see the apology written all over my face, as the three girls approach us. Three girls looking at me, with barely disguised hunger in their eyes. Like they're ready pounce on me right now.

But she's not looking at me. She's watching _them _corner _me_.

"Michelle, Liz and Emma. What are you three ladies doing here?"

"Well duh, we come here every night. You know that."

Boy, do I ever.

"Yeah, how come we don't see you around any more, Lilly. It's been too long. We have missed you." Oh god, Liz is pouting.

_Miley's pout is way sexier._

"I'm sorry. I've just been busy. You know, with work and everything."

"Not too busy to be hanging around with... Who's this?" Emma points to Miley who is standing closer to me now.

"Miles, this is Michelle, Elizabeth and Emma. Ladies, this is Miley. And she is my date. Be _nice_."

"_Date_? _You _date? Silky Lilly _dates_?"

_Yes, thank you for being so _nice_. Time to blow this popsicle stand, I think._

"Yes, I _date_. And if you don't mind, we're just going to go now. Come on Miles."

I take her hand, sliding away from them, and lead her away from the pack. She's not pulling away, but she's still not looking at me. And as I look back to make sure they're not following us, all three of them were giving me the "Call me" gesture.

_Women._

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Lilly, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay. We only just met tonight, and already you've met _three _of my past, whatevers."

"Three of them?"

"Well, yeah."

"I thought it was just the one."

Huh. I _thought _I tasted foot in my mouth.

God, now she's going to leave, thinking I'm one giant slut. _Just _when everything was going so well. _Just _when I think that this could be...

"Lilly, it's okay. It's not like we were together when you were with them. It's okay."

"Say what?!"

"It was just a shock, y'know? It was definitely something."

"Something, bad?"

"No. Just, _something_."

Call me paranoid but "something" doesn't exactly strike as very reassuring to me. And I can't help but plead my case.

"Look Miley, I'm not ashamed of the things I did. One night stands and all. I was young, wild, and _completely _care-free. Plus, hello, gay _and _living in Brighton? It's like being a kid in a candy store. And there was _a lot _of free candy. I mean, they were _practically_ throwing themselves at m-..."

"Lilly."

"Right right, sorry. I mean, yeah it was good. It was very good. Until it just wasn't, y'know? It stopped being good when I couldn't _feel _good. When I couldn't feel _anything_. And I knew. I just knew that I wanted more than one night. I'm not like that any more. I haven't been like _that _in a long time."

"Okay."

"Okay? _Okay_? _How _are you okay with this? Other girls would usually leave as soon as they hear 'Silky Lilly'."

"Well I'm _still _here, Lilly. You say that it's not you any more, and I believe you. I trust you."

Trust? She _trusts _me?

"Lilly, just take it on faith."

I shake my head in disbelief because I can't wrap my head around this.

"You are so _different _than the rest."

"I'll take that as a good thing."

"Yes, it is."

A moment of silence passes between us as we look over the pier. I guess you could say that it is a huge thing. How could she be so cool with everything? Didn't even take more than a couple of blinks and she was fine with it. She didn't even think the worst. And she _trusts _me. Just like that. Nobody has ever done that with me. Not so easily.

I should have known she'd be different.

_She's too good to be true._

_Please don't let me screw this up. _

Miley tilts her head to the side, facing me, "Come on."

"Where?"

"Trust me?"

I look down to see her raised hand, palm up, waiting for me to take it.

And I don't hesitate.

"Yes."


	5. Kiss of Death

**A.N.: **You guys truly, truly blow me away. I'm so very happy you're liking the story so far.

I'm actually getting ready for work in a bit, but I thought since I finished proof-reading as best as I can with the next chapter, I thought I'd post it anyway. This chapter is my favourite part of their first date. And I'm sure you can pretty much guess what it is from the title itself. So here it is, enjoy, :-)

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az

P.S.: Guess where the line that Miley says comes from, ;-).

**Chapter Summary**: _"Won't you kill me so I die happy?"_

**Book I**

**Chapter IV - Kiss of Death**

**Sunday, 11th July 2004, 10.27 P.M.  
Near Brighton Marina, Brighton**

"It's a what now?"

"A sticky-outty-thingy."

"Right..."

"Okay, we didn't know what it was called, and we couldn't be bothered to find out. And we were drunk! Don't look at me like that. Don't tell me _you _didn't call something completely dumb when you were drunk."

"Well yeah. It's just that I've never heard anything that's called, a sticky...outty...thingy."

"What would you call it then, _genius_?"

"A breakwater?"

I've brought Miley to the one place in the world that I have only ever shared with my best friend. The one place that I used to go to, to get away from everything. When it all just got too hard to bear; whenever I just felt like everything was just wrong, this is where I would go.

* * *

**  
November 2001  
St Mary's College, Brighton**

I am having a very, _bad _day. Being Head of the Boarding House, and Acting Deputy Head Girl, meant so much more responsibility than I had ever anticipated. More than I was prepared for. I was only ready for the boarding house, definitely not that last one. Being Acting Deputy Head Girl meant I was accessible to anyone and _everyone_. Anyone could come to me and ask for anything. I don't mind that. I love helping people in any way I could. It's just starting to feel like everything _and _everyone is coming at me all at once.

It certainly doesn't help that I am struggling with being something else I recently discovered about myself.

"I'm gay."

The words feel foreign on my lips. In the way like they're words I should have said before, but I imprisoned them inside myself, denying them their freedom.

And saying those words, it feels like when a doctor is prodding around my tonsils. Makes me just want to _gag_. I can actually _feel _my stomach starting to revolt just _thinking _about it. And I am not in the mood to see my lunch right now.

But it's not that I don't even know who to talk to about it. My best friend, Katie's parents are both gay. She would obviously have _no _problem with me being gay. I guess what I have a problem with, are the consequences of saying it out loud.

I know the problems that will come with it. The angry looks of hatred. The awful words that I know people will say, but would still end up surprising me when I hear it.

Not to mention the issue of my biological reaction towards saying it.

I'm not strong enough to handle that. I know I have to come to terms with it first before I could tell anybody. I have to be strong and ready to do this.

"Lilly!" That's Annie. I only met her a few weeks ago, but we became fast friends.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Nothing much. How are you?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"Lilly, don't be offended okay? But I don't believe you."

"What?"

"You're not fine."

"Uh, yes I am."

"_Uh_, no you're not. Come on, tell Aunt Annie what's wrong."

"Just leave me alone, Anne okay?"

"No. Come on. I'm taking you out of school and you, are going to tell me everything."

"What? No, school hasn't ended, and Dr. Hodges is going to be _pissed _if I'm skiving."

"Whatever Lilly. I'm still taking you out anyway. I know that we haven't known each other for that long or whatever, and I may just be stepping over some boundaries, but I know one thing. You do _not _look fine. And because you lied about it, I can only conclude that there is something wrong. And if you think I'm going to leave you alone, you're very wrong. If you don't know it right now, I am your friend Lilly. And when I see a friend in trouble, I will not hesitate to help and fix whatever's wrong. I'd like to think that you could trust me and tell me what's wrong."

"Jeez Anne. Talk about heavy emotional artillery."

"Whatever. You know you're coming with me, whether you want to or not. And anyway, if you're really that worried about Hodges, just tell him tomorrow that you got cramps or something. He's not going to check whether that's true or not. Unless he asks you to stay behind or something."

"Anne, that's totally gross."

"Yeah, I know. Come on, I know _exactly _where to take you."

* * *

**  
Present Time**

We bought a bottle of vodka for us to share, and some food to snack on, and then Anne took me here. To this place.

At first I thought she was kidding when she showed it to me. And then when she jumped over, so she could get to the very edge, nearer to the waves crashing the wall, I knew she wasn't.

I didn't tell her everything. But I told her how much missing home hurt after I hang up the phone, talking to my family. How I felt so different among my friends, that there were times that I could not connect with them. How I thought I didn't deserve so much responsibility when there were others who were far more capable for the job.

And for those two hours, with the sun shining bright on us, seagulls flying over our heads, the many tourists taking pictures of the sights, and our legs dangling over the crashing waves; she listened to me. No interruptions. And in turn, she told me about herself, and her own problems. How she found out that she was adopted when she was eight. How sometimes she felt that even her adopted parents didn't want her, especially after her little sister was born.

We got to a point when we were too drunk to talk about anything difficult. And I asked her what this place was called. And she didn't actually know what it was either. Not much thought went into "sticky-outty-thingy", since it does stick out, and the "thingy" part was a tribute to our teacher Dr. Hodges, who calls anything "thingy" when he can't remember the specific word for it.

We were _really _drunk.

But god, did we laugh about that.

Needless to say, I made a new best friend that day.

Anne and I tried hard to find out what it was actually called, because there is surely a name for it. But by then, we had gotten too attached to "sticky-outty-thingy" to just throw it away. We never found out, even though we kept coming back there. Whenever we needed to breathe, or feel insignificant, you would always find us there.

But Miley is right though. It _is _a breakwater.

Brains _and _beauty. Seriously.

"Not all of us are as smart as you, Miss Stewart."

Miley just smiles and starts walking further away from me, nearer to the edge. Crossing her arms to shield her body from the ocean spray. Not that it's working. But it's a valiant effort, I suppose.

I take off my hoodie and hold it out for her to wear.

"Here. Since you insist on getting yourself wet and all."

My hands are still on her shoulders after she puts it on, and before I can get them completely off, her hands are on mine. Pulling them around her.

Slowly pulling me closer to her.

I feel her hot breath on my cheek as she turns her head to look at me. I'm trying so hard to calm my heart-beat, as I look out into the ocean.

"Thank you."

"It's okay. I didn't want you catching a cold y'know."

"No, I mean, for bringing me here. I think I can figure out how much this place means to you. Thank you."

I close my eyes, just taking this moment. Wanting to freeze this very second, because it just feels so good. To feel this warmth all over me. This peace.

"Lilly."

I open my eyes, and I turn to see her deep ocean eyes looking at me. She turns her body around to face me, placing her arms around my neck as I keep my own wrapped around her.

I don't care about the cold winds that are blowing against our bodies.

I don't care about the ocean spray that's getting our clothes wetter by the second.

I don't care about the people who are walking around, and probably wondering who those two crazy girls are, for being so close to the edge.

I just care about this. This woman standing in front of me.

This woman who is making me feel so many things at this very moment, that I never thought I could feel again. This woman who knows about my past, but didn't hesitate to stay. This impossibly beautiful woman who is here with me now.

And we are in our own world. A world where time seems to be going so slowly.

I can feel her hand caressing my face, and the other playing with my hair. And I do nothing but stare at her, wanting to memorise everything about her in this moment.

The look of wonder in her eyes as she leaves a trail of fingertips on my face. The soft, gentle smile she has when she's touching me. How when I look into her eyes, I can see the pale moon. The way her pink lips pout unconsciously, begging for me to kiss them. The way her hair is flying wildly because of the wind, making her look untamed and wanton, like a goddess.

I pull her impossibly closer to me. Just so that every inch of my body can feel hers. So that my senses are filled with everything that is her.

I just cannot comprehend how this woman can make feel so at peace in her arms, and yet create such an intense chaotic, _energy_, in me. Everything about her is _intoxicating_.

"Lilly."

I don't know who leaned first, whether it was me or her, I don't care. I am only aware of her eyes on mine, and her breath on my lips for a small measure of a second before I felt them on mine.

And I close my eyes again to feel it all.

Soft.

Firm, but gentle.

Slow and deep.

Sensual.

Passionate.

I hold her tighter, whimpering softly, fearing that I would fall.

And she holds me, moaning in response, keeping me up.

Some part of me is thinking that this is just too fast. That I can't feel like this already. That I should stop and let go, and try to maintain some sort of distance.

But I can't.

I don't think I even want to let go, of this moment, of Miley. Whatever she's going to bring into my life, I know it's going to be nothing but good things. Spectacular things.

I know that she's going to have some difficult times, because I'm not the easiest person to be with. With my past, and all my fears, I'm a mess. But I can't help it. I want to be selfish, because I want her. I've never wanted anyone like I want her.

And for some inexplicable reason, I think I might even need her.

We pull back, breathless. She lays her head against mine, her nose nuzzling softly into my neck.

"Are you okay?"

It takes me a moment to realise that I'm shivering.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

I can't help but stare at her lips. My own itching to feel them again.

"Miley."

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me again."

* * *

This is it.

This is how I'm going to die.

My heart. Skipping beats, or skipping way too fast.

My lungs are burning from lack of air.

My knees are weak.

I think I might faint.

But I can't stop.

I don't want to.

I want to keep my lips on hers, smoothly moving with them, like poetry.

I want to keep myself drowning in her surrounding scent.

I want to keep my fingers running through her hair. It's like silk. Soft. Smooth.

Lustrous.

Just like her.

My mind is blank. Only filling myself with thoughts of her. Trying to take in everything I can. Trying to embed the feel of her lips on mine in my memories forever. Because I don't want to forget.

_I hope I'll never forget this._

This feeling like every inch of my skin is covered with goosebumps.

This feeling in the pit of my stomach, like fire, threatening to burn me from the inside.

I don't know how long we've been standing here. So wrapped up in each other that we don't know how much time has passed. But we just don't care.

We don't care that it's so cold that we're probably turning blue. That the waves are crashing harder against the breakwater, getting us wetter by the second. We don't care that people can see us. Two girls lost in each other. Whimpers and moans floating away in the air.

We don't care.

All I want to do is just kiss her. And hold her.

_Experience _her.

I can feel her hands moving over and around my waist, up my back. Gripping me tighter to her. I can feel them leaving hot trails in their wake. Her fingernails gently scratching my exposed skin.

And I can't help but shiver even more.

"Miley."

My voice sounds husky and raw, like I haven't breathed in air for so long. It's deep in want, wanting to feel her lips again.

Needy because it needs to taste her.

"Lilly. We should get out of here, go somewhere warmer."

She's whispering, afraid to break the spell. I wish I could tell her that nothing can break it. I'm so far under her spell, I never want to get back up.

I can see her blue eyes; darker than I've ever seen. Stormy, filled with lust and need.

_Electric_.

And I know my own eyes mirror everything that I see in hers.

"I don't- I don't want to leave yet. Just, one more minute?"

I look away, biting my lip, because I know I sounded pathetic. Like I haven't experienced anything like this. Like this is all so very new to me.

And you'd be right.

I've shared many great kisses, and they satisfied me, definitely. But her kiss.

Her kiss leaves me _breathless_.

My head is spinning like I've got a hangover. Yet everything seems more pronounced.

Clearer.

And my heart feels like I've run a marathon. But I'm still willing to run further.

I just can't get enough. I want more.

More of her.

And yes, I'm selfish. I'm selfish for wanting to stay in this moment with a girl who is awakening my every senses. Selfish for not wanting to leave her arms. Selfish for wanting to stay so I can kiss her again, even though we're probably going to catch our death by staying.

I breathe out a dejected sigh because I _know _I am selfish. And I'm afraid that she must think that too.

_How can someone like her want me?_

_Why would she?_

I feel a finger on my chin, gently tugging it up to face her. I see a little smile on her face as she takes my hand, bringing it up to her lips, kissing them softly.

"We'll stay here forever if you want."

I can't help but smile at how sweet she is to me. I certainly cannot help that all I want to do right now is kiss her again. And she knows.

_Of course she knows._

"Lilly."

I nod my head, signalling her to continue.

"Won't you kill me, so I die happy?"

I'm momentarily confused, trying to place where I've heard that before. And then it hits me, telling me exactly what it is that she's asking me to do.

Don't let it ever be said that Lilly Truscott disappoints.

I manoeuvre our bodies around so that she wouldn't get sprayed by the water, keeping her as warm as I possibly can from the harsh English wind. I take a second to look at her, in this dark night. She looks so peaceful, so calm, patiently waiting. Her eyes telling me that she doesn't mind waiting, because somehow she knows that I'll follow through.

Such faith in me that my heart aches.

She closes her eyes as I trace her bottom lip with my thumb.

Waiting.

So _beautiful_.

I lean down, tilting my head, pressing my lips on hers. Taking my time before I feel her tongue gently grazing my own.

Once again, she's leaving me breathless.

Kiss of death.

But what a way to go.


	6. I Just Want You

**A.N.: **Imagine my delight when I woke up in the morning and opened my inbox to find it with so many review alerts. It is definitely the best way to start the day. It really humbles me to know that you guys are taking the time to read and enjoy this story.

Without further ado, here's the next chapter. I'm slightly reluctant in posting this next chapter because to date, against the other chapters, this is the least fluffy. And because, I just know it's going to be very hard to top the previous chapter as it does seem to be a favourite among most of you, and I can't really blame you 'cause it's my favourite too. But we gotta move on forward right?

So, we're still on their first date, but Miley and Lilly have left Brighton and are now at Miley's place. There we will delve a little bit more into Lilly's history.

Hope you'll like.

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az

**Chapter Summary:** _"You ruined me."_

**Book I**

**Chapter V - I Just Want You**

**Monday, 12th July 2004, 12.34 A.M.  
Kentish Town, London**

"How can you afford to live here?" I ask as I wait for Miley to unlock her front door.

It's not that it's a big house. But I think it's impressive for anybody to live in an _actual _house in London, let alone actually _own _it.

"My dad and Oliver chipped in for some of it."

Oliver is her house-mate.

Her very _gay _house-mate, in case you were worried about inappropriate... things.

Yes, we're at Miley's place now. As much as I wanted to, we had to leave eventually.

I don't think I could ever look at the breakwater without thinking of Miley now. I will not be able to stand there without having some sort of physical reaction to the memories attached.

Even now I can't stop thinking about the feel of her lips tasting mine, her teeth gently biting my neck. Her soft hands slowly moving over me.

I can't stop picturing the way she looked at me, like she just couldn't stop. The way her smile could just light up my world so easily.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Just water is fine. So where is Oliver anyway?"

"Hm, knowing him, probably out in Soho with his friends."

"So... We've got the place to ourselves, huh?"

"I guess you could say that. What do _you _want to do?"

Despite the teasing tone, I think we both knew that we're not going to do anything more than just cuddle on the couch, with a side of making out once in a while. Which is good because I want to take my time with her. Discover her slowly, and cherishing every discovery.

We're watching TV, an old episode of _FRIENDS_. It's the one when Ross and Rachel break up, the _first _time. Not the one where Ross thought they were on a "break". But the one after that. The one where Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler got stuck in Monica's room, having only wax for food.

I'm a _very _big fan.

I'm not ashamed to say that this episode always makes me cry. Even though I've seen it over a hundred times. And while I love this show to my very core, it's probably not the best thing to be watching when you've just met somebody you might want a relationship with. Considering that it also reminds me of my ex.

* * *

**9th February 2003, 11.27 P.M.  
Little Venice, London**

"What?"

I can't believe this is happening to me. All that's going in my head, _"No, no. Not here. Don't taint our spot with this."_

"I'm saying that I can't be with you. This, this has just gotten _too _hard. I can't handle it."

But it was too late. It was being done and unfolding faster than I can catch up.

"What, and you think that I can? You think I like being away from you so much?"

"You sure don't seem to mind when Natalie's around to keep you company."

"That's not fair. She is my _friend, _Lou. Of course I'm going to have her around to keep me company, just like I have my other friends to keep me company."

"You sure don't act like it, what with your flirting and touchy-feely stuff."

"Don't even _try _to imply that I've cheated. I have _never _cheated on you, and it has never _once _crossed my mind. So what if Natalie and I are close? How I think about her doesn't even come _close _to how I think about you. Lou, I love _you_. Just say what is really on your mind. Because I know that if you really looked deep enough, you _know _I wouldn't do that to you."

God, my heart _hurts_.

"I'm not like you, Lilly. I'm not strong enough for this."

"For _this_? Just what exactly are you not strong enough for?"

"I don't think I can come out now. Or any time in the near future, and that's just not fair to you."

"Lou, what's not fair to me, is what you're doing right now. I don't care when you come out. I just want to be with you."

"No. Damn it Lilly. Don't you get it. I cannot be with you right now. _We _cannot be together right now. My mum's getting too suspicious and I can't handle that."

"Oh, so what are you going to do? You're going to go date some guy just to throw her off?"

A guilty look crosses her face.

"Oh my _god_, you are going to date some guy just to throw her off. You're going to date that guy you were talking about, aren't you? Greg, wasn't it? Greg, that's apparently just a friend, right?"

"Greg has nothing to do with this. This is my own decision. Stop making it harder."

"Just tell me the truth, _Louise_. Why? It's the least you owe me."

The fact that I said her name fully surprises her. In all the time we were together, I never said it. Not even in anger. And now she seems surprised to hear me say it with so much anger.

_Good. _

"Fine. You want the truth? The truth is that I'm _confused_. The truth is I don't even know if I actually want to be with you. I see Greg, and I think that I actually like him too. And part of me wants to see how it goes with him."

"So Greg _does _have something to do with this."

"If not Greg, it would have been some other guy. It kills me to think these things because I do love you, but I'm just so young in this, Lilly. I have to find out, just so I'd know. My inexperience in being in any kind of relationship makes me feel so inadequate compared to you."

"Why don't you just say that you think I'm a slut? Don't give me that "experienced" bullshit. I can't apologize for that part of my life, Lou. I won't. None of those other girls matter to me. Not now, not ever. You're the one that matters to me now. I'm ready to be with you for the rest of my life. Why can't you accept that?"

Even when I know she doesn't mean to do it, she makes me feel so dirty.

"That's just the thing. _You're_ ready to settle, but I'm only just getting ready to grow. I've been wanting to tell you this for so long, but I could never get up the courage. I can't handle being with you or even _without _you. I hate _and _love you at the same time. You suffocate and you free me. I can't be with you, but I'm so _afraid _of being alone. All it does, is just end up making me feel angry with myself, with _you_. And every time I see you, I get the strongest urge to scream that I just fucking _hate _you."

Ouch.

"Lou, what- what are you saying to me here? Just rip that band-aid off."

"The truth is..."

And I see her collecting a breath, getting ready, as if the next thing she's going to say carries the biggest weight of why. I was afraid to hear it, and wished that I were deaf, just so I couldn't hear the words that would surely break my heart; me.

"The truth is, Lilly, you ruined me. This has made my life a mess. And I don't care if I regret this later."

* * *

**Present Time**

"Lilly, what's wrong?"

It takes me a second to realise that I'm actually crying, my face already wet from my tears. I open my eyes to see her eyes, concerned, as she steadily wipes my tears away.

"It's nothing. This episode just makes me so sad, y'know?"

"I don't believe you."

"Really, it's nothing."

"Lilly, I know Ross and Rachel breaking up is really sad, and it makes me cry too. But you looked more like you were lost in a completely different scene than what was actually on TV."

Where should I begin to tell her? I don't even know if I'm ready to tell her this without completely breaking down. I can't look into her eyes and tell her of a time when I loved whole-heartedly, and perished.

"I just don't want to ruin this."

"You won't."

_No, I'm not ready._

"Tell you what, if you promise to tell me next time, I'll let it go."

I feel guilty for a moment. She must have noticed me struggling. Noticed that I wasn't ready to tell this story, this part of my life that continues to haunt me to this day. And those words.

_"You ruined me."_

Wherever I go, whatever relationship I attempt to begin, those three words follow me. They echo in my head. And in the end, they always come true. I ruin everything and that was my punishment. I fell in love for the first time, and I got heartbreak. The first time I opened up my heart to someone else. The first time I actually trusted somebody.

And I can feel myself just drowning myself in these old memories that I try so hard to forget. Back to a time when I used to drown myself in a different pair of eyes. A time when I thought I had a forever with somebody else. A time when I breathed for _her_, when my heart painfully ached for only _her_.

It just aches painfully now.

"Lilly."

I hear Miley's voice, calling out to me. And I feel her arms moving around me, enclosing me in her embrace.

Keeping me close. Holding me tight.

Being my anchor.

"I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

I can't help but sigh. My heart slowly losing the weight of the ache with each second Miley's arms stay wrapped around me.

Enveloping me in her warmth.

"You're an angel you know that?"

"No. But what I do know is that, I really like you, and I want the chance to get to know you because I think we might have something special here. I _know _I'm not imagining this connection we have. And yes, from what I've seen tonight, I know that you have a history. But I don't care. I _want _to know it. I want to know everything about you."

"Are you sure about that? Because it really isn't that pretty."

"So what? It's _your _life, Lilly."

"You might not like it and you might want to leave, and I don't want you to leave."

"Lilly, if I don't like it, I won't and I'll tell you so. But that doesn't mean I'll leave. I wouldn't do that to you."

"I've heard that before."

"But not from me. Remember what I said Lilly, just take it all on faith. Trust that I will be here for you."

I kiss her cheek as I shake my head before laying it on her shoulder.

Trying to figure out when I raked up the karma points to get her to come in my life.

"You're unbelievable, you know that right?"

I look up into her eyes, watching them sparkle brightly in the dim room.

"Nah, I'm just being selfish. I just want you."

**--- End of Book I --- **

**A.N.**: Yep, that is the end to **Book I: The First Date**. I have no idea what I'm calling the next book yet, but I'm making some major edits to it, so it might not be up till the end of the week. But I can tell you that the next book jumps a little ahead in time as will future books, as these "books" are all small but very key snippets to how Miley and Lilly are together. Like one book will be dedicated to when they meet each other's family/friends, and then one book will be dedicated to their one month anniversary together... And then in between books, there's an intermission with Lilly speaking her thoughts on what happened in the previous book... Things like that really. And it will take us back to the prologue, hopefully very smoothly. But we'll just have to wait and see eh?

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az


	7. Letter to Mum and Dad

**A.N.: **Here is the intermission chapter... aka, Lilly's letter to her parents chapter. Her letters will come after every book, as they will show exactly where Lilly's mind is at, at that moment in time.

I'm really worried about this chapter because it's taken me a _week _(which I am so sorry about but work completely swamped me), and I still don't like it too much. I'm happy about the letter (as it stays true to the real story) but not sure about how I wrote it (had to paraphrase a lot). But my friend says that it's pretty much the gist of what she wrote to her parents.  
Let me know if something doesn't feel right to you.

Oh, and I have had messages/reviews from you guys, by the way, thank you so much for them. I really am overwhelmed by them. But anyway, quite a few of you are very curious about Miley. One has said that Miley seems too perfect. And I guess she would seem like it, yeah. That's what I thought too when my friends told me about their first date. But it really, actually happened the way I wrote it. I blemished slightly on what was said but the gist of it is there.  
But! You will see along the way that Miley's not really perfect, or trying to seem perfect. That's just the way she is (or rather the way my friend actually is... it's kind of annoying how sweet and understanding she is all the time, lol)  
This whole story is going to be completely from Lilly's POV, we learn more about Miley at the same time as Lilly, and we'll see Miley as Lilly does.

Anyway, here it is. Hope you like.

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az

* * *

**Chapter Summary: **I couldn't run. Not from her.

**Intermission**

**Tuesday, 10th August 2004, 11.55 P.M.**

Dear Mum and Dad,

Work was pretty cool today. Had a session with a family, and they seem to like how I handled the baby. Poor thing could not stop crying. And boy, she did _not _like my stupid faces. Screamed her lungs _and _my eardrums, out.  
But then I started singing that song dad used to sing to me (remember it, Dad?) whenever I couldn't sleep, and she was calm after a bit. She even smiled at me.

Score 1 for the Lilster eh, right Dad?

Jake called me to have dinner since I have apparently not seen him in forever. My dear brother is such a drama queen sometimes. But it was good to see him again. Like always, I asked him about you guys. Y'know, I try to be brave, readying myself for the face that Jake would make before he tells me about you. It's always the same face.

Guilty because you still talk to him. Sad because you don't talk to me. Angry because you have ignored me since I came out to you.  
I wish I could say that it doesn't hurt anymore, even though it's been three years now but, it does. I guess that's expected especially when it's your parents, and no matter what happens, you're always going to want their love. Because that's what they promised. To love you, no matter what.

Who knew that after "no matter what" comes "as long as you're not gay". Really. Who knew.

But like I've said to you before, it's not going to make me stop writing. Even though Jake told me that you haven't actually read any of the letters I wrote to you. I won't stop because I know that I still love you. God knows why really.

But off _that _depressing topic.

I met somebody new recently. Well actually I met her last month, and technically, it was a blind-date that Sarah and Becca (do you remember them?) set up. I have to say that I was very, very apprehensive about the whole thing, due to their track record of 4 out of 5 blind dates turning out pretty disastrous. But this time, it turned out pretty great.

Actually, _very _great.

Her name is Miley and she is... unbelievably beautiful. Her eyes, they're so blue, and they are just... I think they really could be the death of me.

We didn't like, spill our whole life story to each other on our date or anything, but I know in my gut that she's much more beautiful on the inside. There's just something about her that's so compelling, like she's a book I cannot put down or put away; like a magnet that I'm attracted to. Like I'm just _drawn _to her.

Yeah, that's a good word, "drawn".

And she took me back to Brighton. She _actually _got me to go back there. I hadn't been there since I left college, two years ago. Although one _slight _glitch was there to greet us at the Pier. That was awkward. But, Miley actually got over it. How cool is she, right? Lou never did that. She always got so jealous and all moody whenever a girl said hi to me. I don't know if it was the unconscious ability to be polite that you hammered into me and Jake while we were growing up, but I still think it'd be rude to at least not say hi back.  
_Women _eh, dad?

I actually just got off the phone with Miley. We were planning out what we're going to be doing tomorrow night.

It's our one-month anniversary tomorrow. Can you believe it? I really can't. I just can't believe I haven't completely screwed up yet.

I think I love her, mum and dad.

I think she feels the same way. The things she says to me... I haven't met anybody that's so honest with their feelings, so heart-on-their-sleeves. Not like her.  
And she's a really strong person. Some horrible things happened to her and her family while she was growing up and it wasn't looking very good for her for awhile there. Her mum died when she was very young and it pretty much tilted her world completely off-balance.  
But she had her dad and her brother, Jackson, and they took care of each other. And you can really tell by the way she talks about them, that she loves them whole-heartedly. I'm glad that she does have them there for her. Especially Jackson. He sounds like an awesome brother who would do anything for his little sister. I should introduce him to Jake. I think they would get along.

She scares me a little bit though. Because she is so different, and she seems so much better fitted for somebody else who would actually deserve her. She holds herself up so well, so mature and confident. I feel so awkward and like such a kid next to her.

These feelings just seem more intense and I can't help but think that this could just blow up in my face. That she'll realise just what she got into, and she'll leave. And it's like she knows that I'm scared, and she's so incredibly patient with me. She gives me my space to process and think things through. Even though it took days, she was still there for me, not in a girlfriend-capacity, but as a friend. It's like she has a Lilly-sense or something. Like she knows what it is that I need. And that's what scares me _shitless _(sorry Mum). That she could intrinsically know me like that, without actually knowing. But, I know that I'd rather face the fears, than run away.

I won't run. I _can't_ run. Not from her.

Because right now, she wants me.

Miley Stewart wants me. _All _of me. She doesn't care about my past. She doesn't seem to care that I am so messed up from what happened with you, and what happened with Lou. She just wants the me that she met that night. The me that calls a breakwater, a "sticky-outty-thingy". The me that can't stop staring at her like she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Only me.

It just feels so crazy. But oh so good.

I never felt that with Lou. Even when I thought she was the one for me. There was always a small part of me that felt like something was holding me back. I didn't know why. I always thought I would eventually let her in completely. But I just never felt free enough with her to do that. And we were together for almost two years.

I met Miley for two _minutes_, and I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her about you and how even when it seems like you hate me, I still love you. How I still write you letters so that you'd know at the very least, that I'm okay. I hope that one day that you could meet her, because I know in my heart, that you would love her.

And I want to know everything about her, y'know? Her hopes, her dreams, her loves, her history, everything. I want to know how she got to be who she is. This wonderful, amazing woman I have the pleasure and honour, of being with. I want to know her heart. I want to capture her soul. I want to discover her.

Because I want her. _All _of her.

And I think I'm ready to take the next step with her. I hope she will be too.

I have tomorrow all planned out. I told her that we would meet at the tube station so we could go to the restaurant together. But before that, I want to take her to this spot that I love the most in London. Well, one of them anyway. There'll be time for the others.  
This one is this little hill near Surrey Quays where you can actually see all of London from all around. Well, mostly the South part of London but it's still incredibly beautiful as you can still the sun setting if you're really lucky.

And that's what I hope will happen. Because it is a beautiful sight to see and should be seen by somebody who I know would appreciate it, like Miley.

I hope the London weather will cooperate with me, just this once.

I'm starting to feel sleepy now, mum and dad. So I'm going to end this here and I hope this time you will read this one.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.

I love you,  
Lilly.

* * *

**A.N.:** Well, that's it for the letter. I hope it wasn't completely horrible. Next chapter will begin the book, chronicling their one-month anniversary. And I have to say, it's pretty special.

Stay tuned for it.

With all that I am, I wish you love,  
Az

Next on **Near To You:  
Book II - The Anniversary**


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